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Tenacious B(loodround)

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The year is 2001 and I’m driving with my friend Ashley outside of the Briarwood Mall listening to the debut and self-titled album by Tenacious D. We were listening to Kielbasa in my Mom’s Subaru Outback (it had a CD player, which was pretty baller at the time) and absolutely cracking up. This was Ashley’s first experience listening to the dynamic duo, but I had been aware of them for a couple years now. My brother Keith had tape recorded their Showtime show, and I watched it with him while visiting in Chicago a couple years before. Watching this show in the late 90s, I never would have guessed that I was going to become a super fan of them, and I certainly didn’t know that I would be writing about this album for a wrestling website that my buddy and I would start several years before. Sometimes life just works out in really weird and cool ways, and this is one of those times.

As I’ve done before with Ludacris’s Word of Mouf, here I’m going to take you on a journey through this great album, and I’m going to compare the songs to something wrestling related. I’m going to do my best to keep them recent and relevant to wrestling, but as you’ll see as you make your way through this, some of these are going to require some mental gymnastics to make some semi-appropriate connections with wrestling and the songs. I won’t be comparing the skits in between to anything wrestling related, just the songs, but that’s still plenty of fun for everyone! So without further adieu, let’s get to the song that Ashley and I were listening to while leaving the Briarwood Mall - Kielbasa.

Kielbasa - What a badass breakout song! A nice subtle lead in with their experimentation on which chord to begin the song on, followed by the casual introduction of butt cheek temperature, quietly emphasizing the importance of that heat. It becomes increasingly clear that this song isn’t about German Sausage at all. Regardless, where I’m focusing this comparison on, is the undeniable quality of how perfect this intro was. Kaid Brock had such an undeniable introduction to the college wrestling zeitgeist. I don’t remember if he had any matches before this one, and for all intents and purposes it doesn’t really matter. National Champion Cody Brewer, from rival Oklahoma, was the opponent. Their match started with the subtleties of most high level matches, but quickly introduced us to a truly exciting athlete and contender on the D1 level. Sadly injuries didn’t allow Kaid to fulfill what could have been… But that doesn’t take away from this everlasting intro to what he was ready to be.

Tribute - This song was actually a part of their Showtime show that I saw in the late 90s, so I knew what to expect. That doesn’t take anything away from the genius of the idea behind having once played the best song in the world, but not being able to remember it. Just a brilliant premise, and executed flawlessly if I do say so. They paint such a clear picture of the dark and lonesome road, the demon, and their happening upon the greatest song in the world. And of course, who can’t relate to not remembering something? It’s just so good. This is basically just my chance to pay tribute to the 2022 Big Ten Champion Michigan Wolverines. Unlike the song, I will never forget where I was and the circumstances around watching Myles beat Aaron Brooks to clinch the title for us. The season didn’t end in the ultimate goal of winning the National Title, and Penn State was able to bounce back and have a better tournament in Detroit, but winning the toughest conference in the sport is certainly something to pay tribute to.

Wonderboy - This was the single released for their album. A delightful song about the origins of the band, and how Wonderboy and Young Nasty Man join forces to become Tenacious D. Wonderboy and Young Nasty Man have comparable powers, like levitation, and telekinesis (mind bullets, if you will). This makes me think of the Brands Brothers. The two of them have been a staple in Wrestling lore for so many years, they certainly have comparable powers, and like Tenacious D, have brought us some great moments/albums/championships/sound bites over the last several years. I would like to see Tom and Terry debate which of them is Wonderboy and which is Young Nasty Man. To think about it I would like to see them debate just about anything. I feel like that would be endlessly entertaining.

Fuck Her Gently - Okay ladies and gentlemen, this is going to take some maneuvering (no pun intended). The lead in skit is great, and really lets you know exactly what this is about. This song is about changing pace. That seems like a safe enough place to go with this. When I think about wrestlers with multiple gears, and an ability to change up their pace, I think about Roman Bravo Young. He’s got fancy footwork when he needs to, he can slow down the match and frantic pace of a guy like DeSanto, he can speed up and create action at the end of the period, or immediately at the start. His ability to be in complete control of the pace of any match, and dictate the pace and pressure is really hard to match. I am genuinely happy to have one more year to watch him in the PSU singlet. Let’s make sure we appreciate the guys coming back for one last ride. Some things you have a finite number of opportunities to do in your entire life, so I’m happy he’s not losing this last year.

Explosivo - This song is joyful chaos. It starts off by melodically declaring that we’re going to “climb up on my big ass steed, then we’re going to ride going to smoke some weeeeeeeed”. There’s talk of girlfriends, being fueled by Satan, a demonic voice is in there for a minute, just insanity. I once sat down to write lyrics for a song, and almost immediately realized that I didn’t have any idea to judge good from bad. I would have thought these lyrics were bad, but I find them actually great! Anyway, this joyful chaos reminds me of the flurry between Nick Lee and Kizhan Clarke in the NCAA finals this year. It was brief, like this song, but damn was it fun. Crazy flips, rolls, attacks, defense, escapes. It has everything about 8 seconds into the match. Really fun and joyful chaos.

Dio - This is going to need some back story. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Ronnie James Dio, let me catch you up. Ronald James Padavona (July 10, 1942 – May 16, 2010), known professionally as Ronnie James Dio, was an American heavy metal singer and songwriter. He fronted or founded numerous groups throughout his career, including Elf, Rainbow, Black Sabath, Dio, and Heaven & Hell. He even had a song featured on the Vision Quest Soundtrack - Hungry for Heaven. Anyway, the song Dio is referring to Dio being too old to rock, and that Tenacious D is going to take over for him and he needs to step down. This is very clearly for all of the super seniors from last year. Their careers were glorious, and we loved them, and will never forget their impact on the sport, and the awesome NCAA Championships from last year. But it’s time for you to pass the torch. In the words of Tenacious D, “No more rocking for you. We’re taking you to a home, where we’ll sing a song about you. And we will make sure you’re very well taken care of.” Thanks seniors!

Kyle Quit the Band - “Last week, Kyle quit the baaaaand. And now we’re back together.” Just a simple set up, and it helps position everything to come. Dude quit, but then he didn’t. They walk through some dynamic duos throughout human history, and remind us, and simultaneously position JB and KG up there with the likes of Tango and Cash. I mean, they only came to kick some ass. Rock the fucking house, and kick some ass. You know who that sounds like? It sounds like Dresden Simon and Matt 5tencel to me. 5tencel always planned on returning to the Chippewas lineup, and subsequently helped bring back 2x MAC Champion Dresden Simon. I know having spoken with these guys enough, that neither of them finished their final year in the way that they wanted. However, as a fan of theirs and CMU wrestling in general, I can definitively say that they rocked the fucking house, and kicked some ass. 

The Road - The road, we learn in this song, is both “fucking hard” and “fucking tough”. Who am I to argue with that? JB (Jack Black) eloquently explains some of the trials and tribulations of being on the road. Including a nice interlude wherein he explains a romantic connection he made while in Michigan. This one was the easiest for me to find a connection. We’re going with the CSUB team here. I watched them wrestle in Michigan three times last season! Once in Ann Arbor, another time in Mount Pleasant, and a third time in Detroit I got to watch Chance Rich as he competed valiantly in the NCAA Tournament. It was by design that they came to Michigan to get used to the travel, time difference, and be prepared and ready for the goal of bringing several to Detroit for the tournament. They only brought Chance, but this year they had a young team and showed a lot of improvement throughout the year.

Lee - This was another song that I had heard from their Showtime show. If I remember correctly, Lee is about a fan of Tenacious D, but before they really had any fans. They were so amazed that they had a fan, that they actually became huge fans of Lee, and ended up being obsessed with him, and writing this song about Lee. It would be insane for me to connect this with anyone other than Spencer Lee right? Spencer wrestled sparingly this year before opting to get surgery on his knees. I am going to be totally bummed if this ends up being a “what if” with him. He’s clearly got the potential and toughness to come back and win another title, and hopefully to compete for world and Olympic teams. More than almost anything wrestling related, I want that to happen. Excuses are for wussies, so you’ll never hear him use injuries as any sort of excuse. I’ll make it for him if I need, but I really hope I won’t. Get well Spencer!

Friendship - Friendship is rare. That’s the general idea of this fun song. They fight a bear with a shotgun and a chair, as one does. They run naked in the sand, which I can’t remember having done with any of my friends, yet, but I’m still young. We also learn that the presence of a record deal is a driving factor in their friendship. Makes sense. I was trying to think about some friends from teams that we all know and love, but I kept coming back to the friendships I’ve made through the years of being more prominently involved in the sport. Shoutout to Jason Bryant and Richard Immel, Ben and Brandon from the Inside Trip, Earl Smith, Tony Hager, Kirk Crittendon, Nic Ryder, my Intermat crew, Mason Beckman, Eric Olanowski, Chris Christian, and a long list of others that I’ve met throughout the years. The wrestling community is such a great place, and I’ve developed more friendships through the years within this group of people than anywhere else as an adult.

Karate - Funny enough I remember being in High School and showering after practice and one of the dudes on the team singing this in the shower. It’s a super funny song, but even funnier when you’ve never heard it before and someone in the showers is singing “You broke the rules, now I pull out all your pubic haaaaaiiiiir.” This song, at least in this context, is about kicking someone’s ass. There’s betrayal, and deception as the backstory, but the vast majority of this song is about kicking ass, which is exactly what Gable Steveson did all fucking year. I’ve never seen someone make wrestling look so easy in my entire life. Maybe Cael, but I didn’t really get to see it in the same way that I watched Gable. Also, Gable had multiple world age group medalists in his weight class, and he made them all look like me wrestling my kids. With Karate, or Wrestling, or whatever, Gable Steveson is going to kick your ass.

Rock Your Socks Off - This is a song about sacrifice. About all it takes to bring it every night to “Rock your fucking socks off!” It makes it perfectly clear that this doesn’t come easy. It just doesn’t happen. I mean, you can’t just get an oversized guitar, gain 40 pounds and be the next D! Tommy and I aren’t of that impression by any means, and neither should you. When we talk about sacrifice and commitment, I think about Jake Bergeland of the Minnesota Golden Gophers. The most prestigious of all the Gophers. The dude was a career backup with the team, and then finally gets into the lineup, and ends up as an All American in his first season. Talk about sacrifice and something not coming easy, Jake can tell you all about it. For real though, this is the sort of story that is so damn motivating. Everyone knows the James English story from PSU, but for some reason Jake Bergeland isn’t getting enough coverage. I blame myself. I’ll make sure we talk about him more. He’s coming back for one more year of eligibility by the way. Be ready for Jake Bergeland to Rock Your Socks Off.

Double Team - You thought Fuck Her Gently was going to be tough to get through? If you haven’t listened to this song before, I recommend it. It’s really fucking funny, and the intro is hilarious. KG and JB seem to be generous lovers. So how am I connecting this with wrestling? I don’t know. Let’s go with Carter Starocci and Aaron Brooks. That’s a gnarly 1-2 punch. Each of them just won their second NCAA titles in as many tries. That’s good. Let’s move on. Check out the song though. Super fucking funny.

City Hall - “All you bastards up the’ere, in City Hall. You’re fucking it up for the people out in the streets.” Without being political, they generally give us the impression that politicians make bad choices that negatively affect everyone. So they basically insight a riot… In that they say that they are going to “fucking start a riooooooooot. A RIOT!” So rather directly. Anyway, the riot results in a new form of government being run by KG and JB, leading as two kings. Indulge me here for a minute. I like to think that Tommy and I had a solid impact on wrestling media. It was probably inevitable as technology improved and podcasting became more of a regular thing, that better content would naturally rise, as cream does, but we were pretty early to the party. We certainly don’t “lead as two kings” as we are not that important in the grand scheme of things, but I feel like wrestling as a sport, and the way that it’s being covered, are both in great spots these days. There’s always room for improvement, and there were great people in the sport before we arrived, but this is my article and I’m declaring that Tommy and I are in fact, Tenacious B(loodround).

This song also ends with a really nice little “Malibu Nights Medley”. Just a delightful little song hidden at the end of the track. That’s basically the joy that is the freestyle/Greco/Women’s international scene following the NCAA season. It’s great, and more people need to pay attention.

Thanks for reading! Rock on!